there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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