Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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