It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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