I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
