i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
