Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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