On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize