Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
