You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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