id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I see more hoeing in ur future
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
