We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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