if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
