Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
