I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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