I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
