The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
