I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
