I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
