he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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