i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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