yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
