Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
