was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
