matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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