I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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