i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
