Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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