i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
