Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
