It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
