I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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