I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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