god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
