ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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