you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
