Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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