My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
