party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
