Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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