i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
