the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
