Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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