bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
