Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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