Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
