ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
