He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
