please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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