I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need anything just hit me up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone