i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2