Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.