now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
