what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?