Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize