bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
