It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
