All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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