you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
