Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
