I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
