so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
