just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have aggressive nipples.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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