I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
