Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A+ Viking dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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