remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
