you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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