So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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