Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
