I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
