Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
