I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This toilet bowl is my home.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
